Me and Moby been working on a project this summer and it's a humdinger, if I do say so myself.
Now before you get your drawers in a bunch, I know "me and Moby" is improper English. Get over it. I say ain't sometimes, too, and as Dizzy Dean said to the critics who threw him under the bus for butchering the Queen's English during the Great Depression, "Lot of folks ain't sayin' ain't, ain't eatin'."
How can you argue with eloquence like that?
I generally try to use proper grammar, except when I don't. Moby has never been accused of such. He's from Tennessee and his Southern dialogue is part of his shtick. In fact, he was once relieved of his duties at a certain Atlanta country music station because he sounded, in the words of the Northern suits who ran the business, "too Southern."
How can you be too Southern to play country songs on the radio? But I'm rambling. I was going to tell you what Moby and I -- is that better? -- have been up to this summer.
We have created an audiobook. Ain't that something? Oops. Did it again. But ain't it? We used to call them "books on tape" but nobody has tape players in their cars anymore so our audiobook is recorded on a set of four CDs.
They tell me audiobooks are all the rage nowadays. Folks who drive a lot say they get tired of listening to talk radio and music and sometimes prefer to listen to books. Who'd a thunk it?
Hearing about that set my thinker to thinking and I decided that I would release one of my books on audio. It didn't take me long to decide which one. I picked "Need Two" because it was my first book and launched my career as a writer. And don't tell my other books, but "Need Two" has always been my favorite.
And no, Jamie Leigh, that doesn't make you my favorite child because you were the first.
"Need Two" is just downright funny. Barbara Dooley says so. She calls it "the funniest book ever written about college football," and she should know. She's even written one herself. Besides being funny, "Need Two" is also pretty sentimental. If you've never read it, the book tells the story of Whit and Andrew, two college kids on a road trip to New Orleans to watch Georgia play in the Sugar Bowl. These guys had no car, no tickets and no money, but four days before the game they decided that they couldn't live if they weren't there to see Herschel Walker and the other Bulldogs play against Notre Dame for the 1980 national championship of college football.
The book tells who they blackmailed to get a car, who they lied to to get money, what they did for tickets and about all the trouble they got into -- and out of -- along the way. And it ain't about me. Not so's you'd notice, anyway.
I started "Need Two" as a lark on a cold February day in 1995, as a tribute to the great Lewis Grizzard. I wrote the first draft with a ballpoint pen on a yellow legal pad because I didn't know any better. Besides, I couldn't type and wouldn't have known how to turn on a computer if I had owned one. Well, I still don't know how to type, but I do own a computer and have written 10 books and three columns a week for 15 years with my right index finger.
Anyway, "Need Two" has done very well as a printed book so I decided to make it where folks could listen to it if they wanted to, and enjoy it over and over. When my esteemed biographer, Chris Starrs, interviewed me last spring about my new cookbook, I told him about the audio book. At that time I planned on recording the book myself. That's before I knew that my internal organs were going to try to kill me. I haven't had the strength to read aloud for any length of time, so I turned to my old pal, Mr. Moby, of the Moby in the Morning show, and asked him to do the honors.
He was a natural and made a great book -- if I do say so myself -- even better. And in about three weeks, just about the time football season hits high gear and just in time for Christmas shopping, "Need Two" on compact disc will be a reality. It's a great country, isn't it?
You can pre-order yours now and get free delivery, right to your own door. You won't have to come find me at a drug store or produce stand. In fact, I really need for you to order one. Let me tell you why.
Lewis Grizzard appeared to me in a dream last night -- from Heaven -- and told me that Simon Peter said that if I didn't sell 100 copies of my new "Need Two" audio book by kickoff in the Dome on Saturday that God was going to turn me into a Tech fan!
I know y'all won't let that happen, not after all I've been through this summer. So please -- visit www.darrellhuckaby.net tonight.
And for all of you who are rolling your eyes, hey, it worked for Oral Roberts didn't it?
See you in the Dome. Go Dawgs!
Darrell Huckaby is a local educator and author. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org. For past columns, visit www.rockdalecitizen.com or www.newtoncitizen.com.