Glory be, y'all! I can't wait for January.
I think that's when Barack Obama's coronation will be held, unless Nancy Pelosi can get the Constitution amended in time to allow him and his lovely bride Michelle "This is the first time I have ever been proud of America" Obama to move into the White House in time for Christmas.
It's official, you know, that Obama has won the presidency. All the polls say so, and you know that polls are never wrong. And over in Ireland, a bookmaker named Paddy Power has already paid out more than a million Euros to people who bet on Obama to win.
And man, is this country in for a treat when Barack Hussein Obama places his hand on the Bible - assuming he does - and swears (or affirms; it's his choice) to "faithfully execute the office of President of the United States" as well as to, of course, "preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States." I've been paying attention to the campaign, you see, and when Obama becomes president, he is going to give everything to everybody and it's not going to cost anybody anything. What a great plan!
And just the other day I heard him tell a guy in Ohio that we - meaning the good old U.S. of A. - needed to "spread the wealth." That's a direct quote. That's why I put those funny little quotation marks around it. His words, not mine.
Barack Obama, who holds a wide lead in virtually every political poll, has promised to "spread the wealth" when he becomes president.
Halleluiah! Slay the fatted calf!
A long, long time ago my mama taught me that if I wanted something in life I had to work for it and I believed her. So ever since I was about 14 years old and took a part-time job at a furniture store, I have been busting my hump to try and get ahead. I have always had at least one job and usually more. I worked in a cotton mill during high school and college and after becoming a teacher always, always, always have had a couple of jobs on the side - during summers and after school - in an effort to provide my family the things other "middle class" families enjoy.
I currently, in fact, have about five jobs. I teach school, write five or six newspaper columns a week, travel extensively to speaking engagements and book-signings and do a weekly radio spot. But I won't have to do all that stuff anymore because Obama has officially promised to "spread the wealth." Keep paying attention to those little quotation marks, y'all.
I can't wait to kick back and get mine. Shoot fire! With that gigantic tax cut I'm going to get, I might be able to cut down to two or three jobs. I may get to work only 50 or 60 hours a week instead of the 80 or so I put in now.
He isn't the first person to come up with the idea, you know. Back when my mama was a child, America elected a president who had a similar notion. In fact, he promised to put "a chicken in every pot and a car in every garage." His name was Herbert Hoover, and my daddy, who was 17 when Hoover went into office, claimed that by the time Hoover got through with America, most people didn't have "a pot left to pee in or a window to throw it out of."
Notice that I put quotation marks around that phrase, too, so y'all would know that my daddy said that, not me. I would never say anything that crude - but he would.
But we weren't talking about the Hoover days, we were talking about what's going to happen in January, when teachers become rich from all the pay increases Obama has promised. I wonder how that's going to work, because right now I don't get any of my pay from the Federal government. It all comes from the state and the county. Maybe he is going to give some of the money he takes from the big bad corporations to teachers. I hope he has some left after he gives everybody health insurance and money back on their F.I.C.A. payments.
He's going to make sure everybody has a job, too, but I'm not sure how that's going to work out, because every other time in history when taxes have been raised on corporations, people have lost jobs, because the corporations have to cut back on wages and benefits to pay the tax increase.
Oh, well. I'm sure Obama knows what he's doing 'cause he said he "has a plan for change," just like he said we were going to "share the wealth."
Actually, I think I do know his plan for change. He is going to change the money from the pockets of folks who work really hard to get ahead to the pockets of those who do not.
Another guy had a similar plan one time. He was going to spread the wealth around, too. "From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs."
His name was Karl Marx.
God help America.
Darrell Huckaby is a local author and educator. He can be reached at dHuck08@bellsouth.net.