"Equal Time" by Bonnie Jenkins
Some people think I let my husband Rob get away with murder in his column. The truth is, I hardly ever read it. I mean, come on. I have to live with the guy. Isn't that enough?
OK, just kidding. I usually do read his column, and it usually makes me laugh. But last week's was a bit much. He wants to make fun of the way women shop? He should try shopping with a man sometime.
(Not really. That would actually be a little weird. But you know what I mean.)
Rob was certainly correct in saying that men don't like to shop, they just like to buy stuff. But he made it sound like a good thing, when in reality it defies the laws of economics.
Say a man wants a riding lawnmower. (And let's face it, what man doesn't, even if his yard is a 900-square-foot suburban postage stamp?) Will he spend weeks test-driving and pricing mowers in order to get the best deal?
No, of course not. He has to have the green one he saw on TV. So he'll go to the first dealership he finds, pay whatever they ask, and be as happy as a little boy with a new plaything - which, when you think about it, is pretty much what he is.
Never mind that he could have gotten the red model for half the price, or that he could pay the neighbor boy to mow his yard once a week for the next 23 years for what his pimped-out green mower cost. That concept is commonly known as "shopping," and apparently a man's brain isn't highly-developed enough to grasp it.
Rob also accused women of "shopping on spec," by which he meant that we sometimes buy things with the idea that we can take them back if they don't fit or go with the curtains or whatever.
All I can say to that is, "Duh!" How can you really tell if an item is right for you until you see it in context? Actually, that applies to husbands as well as to bath towels, except that with husbands there's that pesky wedding vow thing.
Speaking of marriage, it's also true that I sometimes pick up something that's not exactly what I'm looking for just in case I never find exactly what I'm looking for. But it's not true, as Rob stated, that I buy things I don't even want just because I can take them back. I really did want that Elvis picture frame.
Kidding again. I've honestly never bought an Elvis picture frame. Donnie Osmond, maybe, but that was a long time ago.
Despite everything, I do enjoy shopping with my husband. On occasion, I even let him help me pick out an outfit.
For some reason, he always seems to go for the green one.