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Ric Latarski - Legislature might want to consider a new play

It's nice to know the Georgia General Assembly isn't wasting time and is huddling up on serious issues.

The House voted 151-9 last week to urge the NCAA to create a playoff system for college football. This is playing political football right out of The Twilight Zone.

I'm glad our fearless leaders are not wasting time on water woes or transportation and focus on advancing meaningless and useless resolutions.

The reason for this is the perception by some that the University of Georgia was slighted at the end of last year. These are the folks who are off their medication and believe that somehow UGA should have played for the mythical national championship.

An honest evaluation leads to the unalterable conclusion that a team which did not win its conference division, much less the conference championship, cannot play for a national championship no matter how well they were playing at the end of the season.

Certainly, we should have a college football national championship, but it should match up conference champions, no matter what their records. You would qualify for the big prize by actually winning something.

Any system allowing sports writers, athletic directors, coaches or any other group of club-footed ego maniacs to select who should be playing is tainted from the outset and is no more than the popularity contest it is now.

But don't hold your breath on a real championship being created, so that's enough of that. The important thing is our legislators are on the ball.

It would seem if the General Assembly really wants to get involved in football, then that's the way they should do business.

Gov. Sonny Perdue, the field general from middle Georgia, could bring his entire playbook to the General Assembly.

Perdue would be perfect to run the statue-of-liberty play, which basically requires the quarterback to stand in one spot and do nothing while someone else runs by and gets the ball. If there is anyone capable of standing in one spot and doing nothing, it is Perdue.

Speaker of the House Glenn Richardson is a master of the option offense. He can move this way, then that way, and back this way and then explain why he didn't move at all.

No matter what happens, you know if a piece of legislation is fumbled Richardson is the guy to dive into the pile, slither his way to the bottom and the bite someone on the foot to retrieve the bill.

Then we have Lt. Gov. Casey Cagle. He's the lieutenant governor and in charge of the Senate. This either makes him close to the backup quarterback or the water boy, depending upon what he's carrying at the moment.

Some legislators, like the bohunks who keep pushing moronic bills that do nothing except get overturned as being unconstitutional (see the latest version of the sex offender bill), could be declared third string. Once you reach third string, the next step is off the team.

Naturally, we need a coach comfortable dealing with bombastic gasbag players and not afraid to cheat and connive his way to victory. That worked for Bill Belichick most of the year, so he's our man.

It should not be held against him that he got woefully out-coached and gagged in the biggest game of the year. Consider that like a veto override.

A good trainer is critical because they know how to wrap a knee or tape an ankle to keep a player in the game, except in this case we need someone who knows how to tape up a mouth.

One problem could be finding people willing to serve as officials for General Assembly football, because most folks qualified for this job are busy pumping out septic tanks.

We need a play-by-play man, and it's too bad Al Ciraldo isn't around because his famous "toe meets leather" would be perfect to start the session, except in this case the toe needs to meet something else. But maybe we can get Larry Munson.

"The Speaker has the bill moving. He is hammering away at the middle and we can't do anything to stop it. We're out of gas and the governor is confused on defense. Wait! It's been stopped in committee! A legislator from Rockdale County has made a play! We've knocked the speaker back like he's been hit in the face with a golf shoe! Whadya got Loran?"

General Assembly football would provide that long-standing tradition for someone to come off the bench at the moment things seem grimmest and emerge as a star to save the day. Remember when Herschel Walker ran over Bill Bates?

Unfortunately, this only works if you have talent on the bench, and these days we have a lot of people who want in the game only to get a headline. These are the guys who miss a block and then blame the running back for losing yards.

Maybe General Assembly football is a way to find someone who wants to lead but also remembers it takes a whole team to win.

Makes us all want to ask: Whadya got for us?